Do you know yourself? I don’t just mean at a superficial level, but know yourself, at your core. Who are you? Where do you come from? What are your characteristics and qualities, and more importantly, why? What makes you the person you are today?
So much of our existence is identifying ourselves through external factors, such as nationality, culture, race, ethnicity, gender, family, religion, community, appearance etc. These factors have an overwhelming impact on who we are, but these are reference points outside of yourself. They are important to understand but have become overly emphasized while not taking enough time to examine, identify and develop the self, from the inside.
Having a reference of self, based on mostly on externalities is in fact social conditioning. Human beings are trained and taught who they are and how they are supposed to be, based on how others are within the same spheres of influence. This leads to behaving in a way that is suitable per the standards of others, but potentially without reflection of what those behaviors mean for the individual person. We are reduced to being no greater than the sum of the whole, instead of everyone bringing their strengths and talents and existing in cohesion. The concept of group think, tells us that the influence of a group is stronger than the individual. Psychologically the bystander effect corroborates this concept. Individual people will not intervene to help someone they see in trouble, because they believe that someone else in the group will. This comes from a natural biological mechanism for survival that most species possess. It is self-preservation and, in the animal kingdom can be seen as animals move in herds, especially those that are often hunted by greater prey. If one their of the herd falls to the wayside, the group must still move on or risk likely death; they don’t stop to intervene. Most humans also behave this way. We are animals, but as a species we have evolved beyond just that. We have developed brains that allow us to think on our own. Greater yet, is our ability to feel. This comes from a state of emotions that we possess and that makes us unique among other animals. It is the combination of thinking and feeling, that makes us human and yet these unique abilities, instead of flourishing and developing, are being eroded.
In these modern societies and with the advent of technology, we have reverted to behaving like mere beasts. Trained to think, without necessarily reflecting. We are bombarded with messaging from media that tells us a story of what is the truth, that is only a partial truth of the world. Our educational systems are underfunded, and classrooms are overpopulated, leading to a diminished quality of instruction, and quality time per student. The entertainment industry produces riveting content, services and products in masse to keep us preoccupied and amused but overall contribute to distracting us from taking time for just ourselves. Time has become a commodity that is not afforded to most and instead we exist in a state of constant pressure to get things done, from work to other responsibilities, without a moment to stop. Some societies are so heavily characterized by their duty to work obligations, material consumption and to constantly doing, that their people have little to no time left to relax. The worst of it, we’ve all now become dependent and addicted, on some scale, to a small device that fits in the palm of our hand, invented to serve us with small hits of dopamine and keep us from authentically connecting, with self and other.
All of this has led to humans existing in a state of oblivion in which we have a false construct of who we are, and at a severe disadvantage to our individual beings. We react instead of reflect and we think based on what we are told, even if doing so makes us unwell or intentionally hurts our fellow mankind. Who we are is pegged to an understanding of the material world in which we exist, but it is missing the one key component that is essential for the well-being of the person, self-awareness.
What is self-awareness? It is the conscious ability to know yourself and to center your environment around yourself, instead of the other way around. To understand the space you inhabit both physically as well as to understand your individual needs, thoughts, ideas, emotions and feelings in the context of your present situation. Self-awareness is knowing that you are one person in a room of people and that although you may share characteristics with others in that room, you are still your own person. Self-awareness is acknowledgement of what makes you feel: happy, sad, angry, annoyed, content, satisfied in the moment in which the emotion touches you. It is the acute understanding of your needs and to what makes you tick. It is the foundation for identifying the human in the world.
Essentially, self-development is simply taking the time for yourself, to think, to feel and to be, without having to do. Developing the sense of self can take many forms. It can span from psychological intervention, such as work with a therapist, to spiritual ascension through mediation to even community participation, such as volunteering. It can even be as simple as taking a walk in nature, to appreciate mother earth. Many people often seek self-development because of some sort of crisis, whether it is a mid-life crisis, and end of a marriage, strained communication and understanding with family and friends or difficulties at work. What this shows is that our engagements with others play such a significant role in our existence, when those environments are unwell and the interactions suffer, we are unwell. What causes that? It is the dynamics of each individual self, who is unaware and is succumbed to the ego that creates tension in relationship and that engenders family dynamics or work environments that are toxic. We as the group, do this to ourselves, because the individuals within the group may not be self-developed.
Relationships of quality are the greatest joy one can have in life, but for us to have good quality relationships, first, comes a knowing of the self. It is through an exploration of who we are as individuals, of where we come from, of why we think or feel in certain ways given a situation and of a conscious presenteeism at our core nature, that we come into our full being. If you learn to accept yourself for who you are and everything that makes you who you are, well that is the ultimate form of self-awareness, self-love. If we all had more of this, then our relationships with each other would blossom; our societies would flourish, and the overall health of mankind could increase manyfold.
Why? Knowing yourself, diminishes the ego’s dominance in our person and allows us to be more understanding of others, because we know and understand the self. In fact, knowing ourselves, and coming into self-awareness, is the secret to developing genuine empathy. Once you consciously connect with yourself, with everything that it has taken to shape and make you, you realize that you are not the only one. You awaken to a sense of union that allows you to be more compassionate towards others. You see how you behave as an output of your thoughts and feelings, and you can take the time to stop, breathe and redirect the way you interact and engage with others, instead of just reacting. It’s a simple truth, that comes to life when you are self-aware. You seek peace within yourself, and with your fellow man. You become part of the whole, of the greater, in a meaningful fashion, instead of just to survive.
Imagine entire societies, thriving because the individual peoples have come into a greater sense of self. It is possible, we could live more harmoniously, be kinder to both stranger and friend.
It starts with giving yourself the greatest gift of all, and taking the time, to learn who you are and explore the Story of You.
